Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Twelve

For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquities, and my bones are consumed. Psalms 31:10

As he pulled up to the house, Sonny panicked and tried to get his story straight. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a while and when she finally got out, she said she was sick. We were having so much fun, I guess she ate too much junk food. Whatever the excuse, it had to come quickly, as Pearl had still not awakened, and the front door of the house opened. He walked around to the passenger’s side of the car and opened the car door, then stooped down to lift her out. She opened her eyes briefly and said, “I promise I won’t tell if you just stop. Please stop,” then laid her head back into his chest with closed eyes and shallow breaths.

Their mother stood in the jam of the open doorway with an astonished look on her face. “Sonny, what on earth is going on?”

“I don’t know mom. One minute she was fine, and the next thing I know, she said she didn’t feel well. I took her to the car, and she fell asleep before I could even get her in. Feel her head mom. She feels really hot.”

Their mother felt the head of her little daughter and knew she needed a tepid bath. As she prepared it, she asked Sonny a million questions. Sounding like the perfect caretaker, he answered each of those questions with confidence. When the bath was ready, she took her child in and set her in the tub. Pearl woke with a start, “No Sonny, please.” Her eyes fixed suddenly on the reality of her mother holding her in the water.

“Pearl, are you all right. Pearl. It’s mommy. Pearl, talk to me.”

“I don’t feel like talking mommy. I just want to go to bed. I want to lie down. Please let me go to sleep.”

“Hey now. Hey sweetie. Wait a minute. Are you hurting anywhere?”

“No. I just don’t feel good. I feel like I have bruises all over me and like someone is sticking me with needles.”

“Okay honey. You are almost finished. I think you have a sudden case of the flu from your aches. Come on now let’s get some warm jammies on and get you into bed.”

She crawled into her bed, shivering and shaking, as her mother pulled up the covers. “Well, you must have had quite a day. Did you eat too much candy and just get plain tired?”

“I guess so mom.” She said as she turned her body away from her mom and wiped a tear from her face.

“Good night Pearl. You sleep tight okay.”

“Night mom. Love you.” She answered weekly as she drifted into sleep.



~~~

Over the next few days, Pearl slept for hours at a time. She missed school and talked to no one. In her short periods of wakefulness, Pearl curled up underneath her built-ins and cried softly and weakly. The third day of her “sickness,” and one of the moments where she was curled up under the dressers, Pearl heard the door creek open. It was a slow creek as if the person pushing it feared what lie inside the room. Pearl pondered whether to pretend she was a sleep or to rise up and peek to see who was entering her room. She opted to appear asleep in fear that it might be her mom, or worse yet, Sonny.

A few moments later, Pearl’s blanket was tugged gently; she felt a hand on her shoulder and a small body snuggled next to her. It was not long until she heard shallow breaths from the intruder, and she opened her eyes to find exactly what she thought she would find. Teddy, curled up against her fast asleep with tears drying on his face. She sighed to herself and patted his face then fell asleep again.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Eleven

“Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength.”


Psalms 31:4



The traffic increased the closer she drew to Little Rock. The travelers pushed through the lines of cars trying to make their way- whatever that way might be on this Saturday: shoppers, leisure drivers, they were s o different than the travelers on the same highway the previous night. Where yesterday people honked and tried their best to drive 75 and 80 miles an hour in steady lines, today there was a steady flow of easy diving. It seemed that the voyagers had nothing better to do than to take their time and enjoy the ride.

“Enjoy the ride little Pearl. Mom didn’t know what she was doing when she said I ‘had’ to spend time with each of you.” He snarled as he spoke, and Pearl sat quietly on the opposite side of the car. His words seems nearly trapped in his tongue as if even they knew the depths of evil Sonny was capable of displaying. “So, you want an ice cream? Or a new dress? Or how about a trip to the mall, and you can see the girl I am going take to the prom.”

“I thought you were taking Jeanie.” Pearl offered.

“Oh, you would like that wouldn’t you. You little snitch. If you wouldn’t have opened your stupid lying mouth, she would be my date.” He slid his hand across the front seat and then slowly up Pearl’s little leg. “But, since I have the best little sister on the planet, and since she wanted to be friends with my girlfriend, my girlfriend doesn’t want to go out with me any more.” He stopped moving his hand right at the top of her thigh and then as if he had a sudden spasm, he slapped the top of Pearl’s tiny thigh with such force and noise that she immediately jumped and fought tears.

He removed his hand and laughed. “What’s the matter sweet little innocent brat? Did that hurt? Huh, did it hurt the little princess? Answer me you little…”

“Yes, it hurt. It always hurts when you touch me. Take me home please Sonny. I didn’t talk to Jeanie. I never talk about anything you do.”

“You liar! I know you talk. I know you make stuff up all of the time and talk and talk and talk some more hoping someone will listen to you and get me into trouble. Well, let me tell you something little perfect girl…”

“Sonny, you’re scaring me. You are driving really fast, and I hear the bumps from the road. I promise I will not say anything, just watch…”

He pulled into an ally way and to a sudden stop so quickly that Pearl’s little body was jerked forward then back again. “I am scaring the little baby. How very sad that is. I don’t mean to scare you, I love you. You know I love you right? RIGHT! YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT!”

Sobbing, Pearl could only nod her head. She knew what was next and she knew too that if she wanted to go home, she would keep quiet and submit to his evil. She drifted into soft sobs as her caressed her tears soaked face then ran his hand down her body stroking it, petting it, then leaving kisses everywhere his hands lead. He was oblivious to the sound car passing one the street past the ally. And she was scared: scared to move, scared to breath, scared to speak, scared to scream.

As Pearl tried not to think about how disgusting she felt, how unreal this was; she suddenly heard a loud crashing noise. Sonny stopped touching her and looked up, then he looked out the window to see a car wreck behind him on the street. He looked straight into Pearl’s eyes and said, “I guess we will have to finish later sweetheart. You okay.”

Pearl didn’t move. But she silently thanked God for the wreck and said a short prayer for those involved in the wreck. Then without warning, she let her tears fall freely while they drove to the mall. At the mall, Sonny took Pearl into the dress store and bought her a Mexican dress then he took her to the ice cream stand and bought her an old fashioned ice cream bar – chocolate-dipped in chocolate- and rolled in peanuts. They walked though the mall, and he held on to her hand as if he were the most adoring older brother. They stopped in the toy shop where he introduced Pearl to the young lady behind the counter.

“Pearl, this is Tiffany. Tiffany- Pearl. Pearl and I were just on a brother sister outing. Didn’t we have the best time today Pearl?” He reached down and picked her up to set her on the counter. She was not five and this was embarrassing. An eight year old girl does not sit on the counter at the toy store, but again, she submitted to his will for no other reason except that she was terrified of him.

“Well, it certainly is nice to meet you Pearl. I have something Sonny had me hold for this special day. Would you like to see it?” Tiffany asked.

Pearl shrugged and said, “I think so.”

Tiffany chuckled and left for a minute. When she walked away, Sonny grabbed Pearl by the arm and looked into her eyes, “I think you had better straighten up and act like this is the best day of you life or we will be later getting home, and I will tell mom that you threw a fit in the mall.”

Pearl nodded and gasped as she fought yet another onset of tears.

Moments later, Tiffany emerged from a curtain in the back of the store carrying a round baby blue wooden box. The box was tied with a light pink ribbon in a straight satin bow. “Look what I found Pearl.” The oblivious Tiffany piped. “I know a little girl who is going to give her best big brother the biggest hug and kiss in the world.” Her words left an ill feeling in the pit of Pearl’s stomach, but she forced a smile and tried her best to act excited.

Sonny took the box and presented it to Pearl. “I have been saving for this one. I know you are going to love it.” He untied the ribbon and lifted the lid to expose a small doll with dark eyes, dark hair, and a blue outfit. Its little top had baby blue, pink, and yellow flowers and an eyelet collar. Pearl thought it was funny how the little doll seemed so lifeless, so empty; a little doll in a little box. She was lying on straw-like tulle. Her eyes were wide open, and there was a permanent tear on the right upper cheek of her face.

Pearl picked up the doll and felt her hair. It was so soft and silky and felt to her as if she had slipped her hand in a pool of water; sleek, soft, smooth. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed that Sonny and Tiffany were flirting with one another and making prom plans until she heard a “Heeee Haw!” and looked up to see a red faced Tiffany. Sonny shot a quick glare at Pearl and cocked his head as if to warn her not to do anything or even acknowledge the odd outburst. Pearl quickly looked away and buried her head into the doll.

Sonny tried suddenly to draw attention away from the awkward moment by grabbing the doll and saying, “Pearl, did you notice the soft hair on this little girl?” Pearl nodded. “Well, it’s so soft, because it’s real human hair. Little girls with lots of hair in Mexico grow their hair out and then their mom’s and dad’s take them to the doll maker and he cuts off their hair for his dolls. Those poor little girls have to give their hair up so you can have a pretty doll. Isn’t that neat?”

Pearl sat in astonishment. She had never heard of a little girl getting her hair cut just for the sake of making a doll’s hair. She put her head down and was left speechless. When she raised her head, Sonny looked at her as if he had some sudden stroke of kindness and asked if she were okay. She muttered, “Sonny, I feel sick.” He looked at her, and her face seemed to turn from pink to bright red within seconds. He picked her up and felt that she was hot, then excused them from the store and said, “Sorry Tiffany, we had better get going.” He walked swiftly through the mall and then to the car. He set her in the car and noticed her eyes slowly close behind the bloodshot, red watery eyes.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Ten

“Be merciful to me oh Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.”

Psalms 31:9

She opened the fuel door and unfastened the gas cap. The gas flowed and lights blinked and flashed before her eyes, but she stared blankly, oblivious to the climbing numbers as her tank filled rapidly. Her mind still somewhere else, she leaned on the side of the car and wiped a new tear from her cheek. The mind does a funny thing to people in mourning. Mourning, what on earth do I have to grieve? He never cared about me. He never cared about anyone but himself. And he’s not even dead. Why am I thinking these things? Still, what a pity, in all of his life he has never known what is was to live.

The pump clicked on and on as the number flickered before her eyes putting her into a trance. The previous tears still kept her face moist as her eyes welled once again at the familiarity of the pulsations of the pump. The idea of her brother lying in a hospital and possibly fighting for his life flashed as quickly in her mind as the numbers on the pump, and as swiftly as they passed, they abruptly stopped at a day Pearl wished she could forget and had spent most of her childhood trying to forget. Now, after so many years of trying to put it aside, it reared its head and taunted her with its ferocious scenes of her younger brother being hurt, crying for help and Pearl standing there watching, being warned not to interfere.

Sonny often abused the power of the oldest sibling on to the youngest two children, and with the cadence of the gas pump, she heard the thuds of her little brother’s backside being kicked repeatedly. She remembered the day he told them to do all of his chores, their chores, chores that none of the kids ever did, and Teddy (Pearl’s younger brother) defied the orders.

Teddy and Pearl were only a year and a half apart and were the closest of all of the children. Pearl felt it her responsibility most often to protect Teddy from the world, especially Sonny. That day was no different in Pearl’s eyes, except for the fact that Sonny seemed unusually intent on making Teddy bend to his will.

“I told you to shut your mouth. When I tell you to take out the trash, you take out the trash. When I tell you to shovel the dog crap out of the pen, then you do that. If I tell you to lean over and kiss my butt; you have to do that too. I am the oldest, and when mom is not home, I’m in charge. So get up, and do what I say now. I said NOW!”

As he pulled Teddy to his feet he kicked him back to the ground then held him by the neck and kicked him out of the door, out of the back yard and into the alley where he repeatedly kicked him and yelled at him. Teddy was only eight. He was not a very large child and was easily dominated by Sonny. I begged him to stop, but he yelled back at me to shut my stupid mouth or he would stop at all. There were four of us home that day. Four siblings. Four strangers. My next older brother, Will, stood next to me. He put his hands over his face then took Pearl’s hand. She pulled away and told him to call their mom. He shook his head and went back in to the house.

After about an hour of repeated kicking, Sonny must have grown tired. He pushed Teddy back into the yard and forced him into the house. Pearl had already finished all of the chores and had called her mother and told her to come home. She was too late of course, and the younger kids were warned not to say a word or it would happen all over again. Teddy slept in Pearl’s room that night on the floor. They made a fort in the corner of the built-ins in her room. Where they sat for a few hours and she held him as they cried and told each other how much they hated Sonny.

The next few days passed slowly and quietly. Pearl and Teddy stayed to themselves in Pearl’s room. Will stayed in his room. Their mom went about her daily mom routine somewhat oblivious to the previous day’s events. That evening at supper, their mom asked why they had all been so quiet. Sonny shot his evil glares at each of the kids, and they said nothing. She saw the look. She recognized that look, and she knew there was something they were keeping from her.

After supper, she went to Pearl’s room. The door was slightly open, so she stood listening to her two youngest children as they spoke in low voices. What she heard was only part of what had happened. She promptly called all of the kids to the living room and made Sonny confess to his ill behavior. As he confessed, he cried and apologized. He was grounded. He had to apologize to each of the kids. Then to top off his punishment, he had to spend “quality time” with each of them. It was quality time too. He got to take each of the younger siblings off by themselves and …The sudden noise of the pump clicking off, and the gas sputtering showing it was more than full brought her back to reality. She sat in her car, fastened her seatbelt and breathed deeply trying again to gain control of the tumultuous storm of emotion inside of her then aimed her vehicle again toward Little Rock.

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Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Nine

“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.”

Psalms 27:3

Moments later, Pearl pulled out of her garage and pointed her car toward Little Rock, though her heart and mind were thousands of miles and a lifetime away in Redlands with the little girl she had lost. She wiped the tears from her eyes and drove with mechanical reactions. She phoned her boss and told him there had been a family emergency and she would need a few days of personal time. She explained enough to ensure him she was needed and that a she would keep him updated if any developments. He kindly told her to take what time she needed and to let him know if there was anything he might do. She thanked him and disconnected the call.

She dialed again this time calling her colleague. “Hello.”

Pearl inhaled deeply and spoke quickly as not to allow the reality of what she was saying soak in and then said, “Hi Stan. This is Pearl. I just wanted you to know that I won’t be in for a few days. There’s been an accident, and well my brother is in critical condition. Anyway, I emailed you a copy of my lesson plans. Could you by any chance print those off, and give them to my sub?”

“Oh man Pearl. I am sorry. Yea, anything I can do to help. Are the kids okay? Are you okay?”

“Well, the kids don’t know yet. I wanted to wait until tomorrow. I called Shawn and asked him to keep them an extra day. I am on my way to Little Rock now to see if I can so anything to help. But, no, I am not okay. This is all completely out of my reality.”

“Well you know we would do anything for you and the kids. I will take care of your sub. Just let me know if there is anything else I can do.”

“Stan.”

“Yes Pearl.”

“There is something you can do. Try not to say anything at school to anyone. Just let them know there was a family emergency if they ask. But, there is bound to be some talk among the students, since the police were at my house today, and- well you know how they like to make up their own version of the story. Can you and Sela just try to keep a damper on the gossip?”

“Yea. We can do whatever. Just hang in there. Have you called Sela yet?”

“No. I am getting ready to call her. I just wanted to call you first to get my sub information in line. I should get going though. Thank you for helping.”

“Really, hon, it’s no problem. Just let us know what’s going on when you can, okay.”

“I will. Bye.”

The asphalt rolled beneath the tires as Pearl dialed again this time calling another colleague and friend. “Hey Sela, it’s Pearl. Do you have a minute?”

“Uh… just: It’s a madhouse here.”

Pearl took another breath, but this time spoke slowly. “Sela, I am on my way to out of town. I got news earlier that my brother has been in a terrible, and I need to be there for a few days. I have called Stan and asked him to take care of my sub, but would you care to check in on my students every once in a while and maybe ask the sub if she needs anything? I don’t know how long I will be. I can’t even begin to guess.”

“Oh my gosh Pearl. Yes. You know you can count on us. The kids are okay? Do you need me to come get the kids?”

“No, but thanks. They were at Shawn’s this weekend, so he is just going to keep them a little longer. I need to get, but thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, and please call again if you need me. Call any time okay.”

“Okay thank you. Bye.”

The two hung up, both feeling the sting of their numbing conversation. The drive seemed longer the farther she traveled, and as time passed, she dialed once more. As the phone rang, Pearl heaved and labored her breath as if she experienced difficulty breathing. She gasped and suddenly pulled the car to the shoulder, and tears fell once again as she sobbed frenziedly into her cupped hands.

The party on the other end answered and Pearl asked, “Maddi? Is that you?”

“Yes, Aunt Pearl. It’s me. Are you on your way?”

“Yes, I’m trying to hurry. How is your mom holding up?”

“She’s not doing well at all. She keeps saying you were here, and you know what happened. What does she mean? Were you here? Do you know?”

“Maddi. I don’t know what happened. I was just as surprised as you. I am hurrying. Hang in there okay.”

“I am Aunt Pearl. Be careful. I need you.”

Pearl ended the conversation and pulled back onto the highway. As she approached her interchange, she noticed the illuminated warning light informing her that she needed fuel.

“Of course: Only when I am in a hurry do I need to stop for gas,” she said to herself then thought, mom always said it was just as easy to keep the gas tank on 7/8 of a tank as it is to let it get to 1/8 of a tank. Pearl grinned at that thought and pulled into the station at Bald Knob.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Eight

“Oh God, do not keep silent; be not quiet, oh God, be not still.”

Psalms 83:1

“I said right now Pearl! Young Lady you had better stop fussing, and get over there and sit on your brother’s lap for this picture.”

“I don’t want to. Please let me sit here. I promise I will smile.”

Her brother grabbed at her waste as she fought to get away and sit in the chair next to him, their mother desperately trying to take a photo of her children in the new Easter clothes. Pearl squirmed and tried again to pull from his grasp and off of his lap as Sonny held her down firmly on his lap while he grinned his toothy evil grin. He leaned close to her and whispered, his face behind her head and his breath hot on her neck, “Oh sweet little Pearly. Just sit still and be good. Don’t fuss or I will have to tell mommy dear what you have been doing at night when your nightgown is pulled up, and you hide under the covers.” Pearl screeched and again wriggled in terror, but he held her tighter and gasped, “What is wrong with her mother?”

“Okay Pearl, I have had quite enough of this. You sit there so we can get this picture. If you move once more, you will get a spanking and then you will kiss and make up with your brother for acting so ugly to him.”

Pearl looked her straight in the eyes and sat still, on her brother’s lap faking a smile while holding back tears frantically. Flash, “Say, Cheese!” flash again, and the pictures were taken. Pearl started to get up, but Sonny held her back, turned her around and gave her a wet sloppy kiss on the mouth, then reached toward her non-budding breasts and pinched. “Maybe you should be a little nicer to your big brother Pearly.” The rest of the family laughed and carried on with the day’s Easter festivities, not really seeing what he had done exactly or the trauma that she had ensued, and Pearl ran quickly to her bedroom.

Once inside her room, she made her way to the corner of the built in dresser and crawled underneath it to get away from all of the laughter, the noise, and the shame that she felt. She hung her head and sobbed until her mother came in to tell her that her behavior was inexcusable and absolutely ridiculous and that she needed to take her bath early and get ready for bed, because she was going to bed early for acting like such a baby.

There was no fuss from Pearl. She did just as her mother ordered and then brushed her teeth and went to bed without supper. She wasn’t hungry or mad or full of any emotion what-so-ever. She simply crawled into her bed, cried, and dreamed of dying or flying or being something else- something different. She envisioned becoming something truly wonderful that no one could touch, because if she were touched she would break. She saw herself flying far away and knew that if she could go away everyone would love her, because she was beautiful and no one would touch her and no one would hurt her.

Hours later, still dreaming of that flight, Pearl heard her favorite sounds. She exited the bed and sneaked down the hallway carefully as not to make a disturbance and be caught out of her room. She made it past her parents’ room and then crept ever so gently past her young brothers’ room. Rounding the corner, she was delighted that her secret happiness was right in front of her eyes. The conductor waived his friendly wave motioning for her to climb aboard. She smiled and jumped at the chance to ride the train. She laughed and giggled and felt the knots in her stomach disappear as the music played the tune, “Send in the Clowns” and again Pearl was safe.

On their last lap around the track, Pearl began to cry. This had never happened on the train before, and she was shocked, but the tears rolled on as the train came to a halt. She sadly got off the train and turned to waive to the conductor and all of the happy characters, but when she turned, the train and all who accompanied it were gone. Somehow, she knew that was the last time she would be carried by that train. She felt overwhelmed by the grief inside of her, as she dragged herself back to her bed. She ascended into the bed and wept for what she knew was gone, what she knew she had lost forever, and mostly for what was stolen from her. She reflected again to the day’s events and knew she was stuck. She felt a heavy sensation overpower her and she gave into a sleep of heaving, short gasping breaths and a tear drenched pillow with her last thoughts being, “Please God, don’t let me wake up tomorrow. Please God.”