“Be merciful to me oh Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.”
Psalms 31:9
She opened the fuel door and unfastened the gas cap. The gas flowed and lights blinked and flashed before her eyes, but she stared blankly, oblivious to the climbing numbers as her tank filled rapidly. Her mind still somewhere else, she leaned on the side of the car and wiped a new tear from her cheek. The mind does a funny thing to people in mourning. Mourning, what on earth do I have to grieve? He never cared about me. He never cared about anyone but himself. And he’s not even dead. Why am I thinking these things? Still, what a pity, in all of his life he has never known what is was to live.
The pump clicked on and on as the number flickered before her eyes putting her into a trance. The previous tears still kept her face moist as her eyes welled once again at the familiarity of the pulsations of the pump. The idea of her brother lying in a hospital and possibly fighting for his life flashed as quickly in her mind as the numbers on the pump, and as swiftly as they passed, they abruptly stopped at a day Pearl wished she could forget and had spent most of her childhood trying to forget. Now, after so many years of trying to put it aside, it reared its head and taunted her with its ferocious scenes of her younger brother being hurt, crying for help and Pearl standing there watching, being warned not to interfere.
Sonny often abused the power of the oldest sibling on to the youngest two children, and with the cadence of the gas pump, she heard the thuds of her little brother’s backside being kicked repeatedly. She remembered the day he told them to do all of his chores, their chores, chores that none of the kids ever did, and Teddy (Pearl’s younger brother) defied the orders.
Teddy and Pearl were only a year and a half apart and were the closest of all of the children. Pearl felt it her responsibility most often to protect Teddy from the world, especially Sonny. That day was no different in Pearl’s eyes, except for the fact that Sonny seemed unusually intent on making Teddy bend to his will.
“I told you to shut your mouth. When I tell you to take out the trash, you take out the trash. When I tell you to shovel the dog crap out of the pen, then you do that. If I tell you to lean over and kiss my butt; you have to do that too. I am the oldest, and when mom is not home, I’m in charge. So get up, and do what I say now. I said NOW!”
As he pulled Teddy to his feet he kicked him back to the ground then held him by the neck and kicked him out of the door, out of the back yard and into the alley where he repeatedly kicked him and yelled at him. Teddy was only eight. He was not a very large child and was easily dominated by Sonny. I begged him to stop, but he yelled back at me to shut my stupid mouth or he would stop at all. There were four of us home that day. Four siblings. Four strangers. My next older brother, Will, stood next to me. He put his hands over his face then took Pearl’s hand. She pulled away and told him to call their mom. He shook his head and went back in to the house.
After about an hour of repeated kicking, Sonny must have grown tired. He pushed Teddy back into the yard and forced him into the house. Pearl had already finished all of the chores and had called her mother and told her to come home. She was too late of course, and the younger kids were warned not to say a word or it would happen all over again. Teddy slept in Pearl’s room that night on the floor. They made a fort in the corner of the built-ins in her room. Where they sat for a few hours and she held him as they cried and told each other how much they hated Sonny.
The next few days passed slowly and quietly. Pearl and Teddy stayed to themselves in Pearl’s room. Will stayed in his room. Their mom went about her daily mom routine somewhat oblivious to the previous day’s events. That evening at supper, their mom asked why they had all been so quiet. Sonny shot his evil glares at each of the kids, and they said nothing. She saw the look. She recognized that look, and she knew there was something they were keeping from her.
After supper, she went to Pearl’s room. The door was slightly open, so she stood listening to her two youngest children as they spoke in low voices. What she heard was only part of what had happened. She promptly called all of the kids to the living room and made Sonny confess to his ill behavior. As he confessed, he cried and apologized. He was grounded. He had to apologize to each of the kids. Then to top off his punishment, he had to spend “quality time” with each of them. It was quality time too. He got to take each of the younger siblings off by themselves and …The sudden noise of the pump clicking off, and the gas sputtering showing it was more than full brought her back to reality. She sat in her car, fastened her seatbelt and breathed deeply trying again to gain control of the tumultuous storm of emotion inside of her then aimed her vehicle again toward Little Rock.
No comments:
Post a Comment