Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Sixteen

Behold, he travaileth with iniquity, and hath conceived mischief, and brought forth falsehood.

Psalm 7:14

Standing in front of the sink trying to refrain from crying, Pearl’s thoughts sank to a day only two months earlier. A group of students from the school where Pearl’s children attended and where Pearl taught were performing at a state convention for safe and drug free youth. Pearl took pride in the work of her students and children and was especially anxious about this year’s performance because two of her own kids were participating. They worked hard all year and the time had come to put on a great show for the community. Of course, her parents would not miss this show either as they were the model grandparents. They arrived with Maddie who had come to watch her younger cousins dance, sing, and play on stage.

The show began and Pearl looked over at Maddie and smiled. Maddie turned and said, “I sure wish my parents would have done stuff like this with me when I was in school.”

“Well, now you can enjoy it with the other kids,” Pearl answered; trying not to give in to what she really wanted to say about Maddie’s parents. She wanted to say, “Well, if they could for one minute pull their heads out of that insanity of theirs…” but she refrained and encouraged Maddie to have a good time. Maddie sat back and watched and enjoyed the show, but Pearl noticed something odd about her behavior. She nudged her mom and asked if Maddie was all right.

“Her father has been sending really strange text messages to her all day. Some of them have been downright hateful and others just plain crazy. She is pretty upset, and your father is beside himself.”

After the show, the students begged to go out and eat, and invited Pearl’s parents and Maddie to join them. Pearl of course conceded, and they all piled into the bus and headed for Applebee’s. Maddie and her grandparents followed behind the bus. When they arrived at the restaurant, the students, Maddie, Pearl, and her parents walked in and requested seating for twelve. The hostess put a few small tables together to accommodate the request and seated the large party.

As the noise level grew, Maddie’s face turned from complete enjoyment to almost a panic stricken terror. She reached down and looked at the screen of her cell phone and rolled her eyes. She shut the phone and tried to re-enter the conversation and the fun, but again, her phone notified her of another incoming message. She reached down again, this time nudging her grandmother and saying, “I can’t believe that jerk.”

Her grandmother took the phone and put her glasses on in order to read the messages. She looked at the phone, and her face too changed. She had a look of disdain as she handed the phone to her husband with an outstretched arm and said, “Here: Read this.”

He took the phone from her while Pearl entertained stories at the other end of the table in order to keep the students from noticing what was happening. A moment later, Peal’s father closed the phone and stood with a tear in his eye; then walked outside and stood in the parking lot. “Where’d your dad go Ms. Mackinac?” a student asked quickly.

“Oh, he gets hot really easily, and he thought it was a bit stuffy in here. He’ll be back in a minute. Don’t worry.”

Their waitress came to take their orders. They quickly ordered and gave the waitress a hard time. Then one of the students started to tell about an adventure she had on her family’s vacation last summer. While all of the students were enthralled with the story, Pearl’s curiosity exploded. What on earth had her brother sent that sent her father out of the restaurant with tears? Was her father angry or hurt? Pearl tapped Maddie under the table and asked to see the message. Maddie slowly handed the phone to Pearl and asked, “Are you sure you want to see this? It’s bad Pearl, really.”

Pearl took the phone and held it slightly under the table then read, “Your Aunt Pearl is keeping secrets from you. You all think she is so good and wonderful, but she’s a liar and a whore, and you are just like her.” Pearl closed the phone and dropped her head. She put her hand over her heart and took a deep breath, then looked at Maddie and said, “He will be sorry for that some day, but until then what on earth can we do?” Just then Pearl’s father walked back into the restaurant, and Pearl stood to excuse herself to the restroom. As she passed her father’s chair, she patted him on the back and said, “Let it go Dad. I love you, and he is a sick sick man.”

His big green eyes fell and he stared into his tea glass shaking his head. Pearl’s oldest son had been watching what was going on between Pearl and her family members, and he suddenly burst out with “Okay, what’s the difference between a typewriter and a penguin? Anyone, anyone…” The students all looked puzzled and Maddie and Pearl and Pearl’s parents all started laughing. The students all tried to guess while Drew kept them entertained. His brother picked up on it right away and joined him in the nonsense joke. Every time someone made a connection, Drew and Tom made some strange look and said, “No, now it’s not that difficult, just think.”

Pearl squeezed Drew’s hand under the table as if to say thank you. Then looked at Tom and winked. Their food arrived and they all ate quickly then loaded the bus, the car, and left. As the bus bumped and chugged to the school, Pearl sat in wonder and hurt. How could he say that? Poor mom and dad. All they ever did was love their kids, and all Sonny has ever done is violate and defile what love is. God, please be with my father right now. Please put your arms around him and tell him that I love him and reassure that those words are horrid lies and from a sick minded man. Please help the readers or hearers of Sonny’s illness to recognize that those words and thoughts are from an evil like no other. It wasn’t long before the bus pulled into the school parking lot, and Pearl and all of the students exited the bus and parted ways.

Still standing at Gwenn’s kitchen sink, she cried softly and remembered what she thought was the catalyst of the events that brought her to this house the previous night. She knew it was time to let the truth be known. She knew it was going to hurt. But more than anything, she knew she did the right thing. She took a deep breath and heard a voice from the other room. Pearl, Gwenn, Maddie where are you? We’re here. Hello…” Pearl’s mother entered the kitchen, quickly approached her, and put her arms around her. Her father walked up and joined the circle.

They embraced for a few moments before Pearl stepped back and said, “Maddie and Joy are in the back yard. Maddie has been waiting for you guys. You had better go see her.” They nodded and walked to the door. As they exited, Pearl’s father turned and said, “You okay?”

“I’m okay dad. I guess. It’s just all so surreal really. Go on though. Maddie needs her Papa.” She half smiled then added, “I love you dad.”

“He put his head down and nodded as if to agree, “I love you too.”

As Pearl’s parents passed through the doorway and into the back yard, the telephone rang.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Fifteen

Shall not God search this out? For He knoweth the secrets of the heart.

Psalms 44:21

“Okay, so now we are alone and I have been trying to get the nerve to talk to you all day. For some reason, it seems easier to talk when Pearl is here. Maybe it’s because I know that we all understand how weird our lives have been, and Pearl seems to always have a grip on the reality of the dysfunction and pushes through. We all know the embarrassment and the hurt, the guilt and the shame. We are like kindred spirits in a way keeping the secrets and holding each other through the hurt. But, what I want to say is that, no matter what you are feeling right now; it’s okay. If you are sad, or mad at me, or whatever; it’s time we start living and being close like we were so many years ago; before everything got so crazy.

We are might be all we have now, and we may have to relearn us, and we can. Maddie, things have been crazy most of your life, and I owe you an apology. Years ago, when your father and I split up, you and I were happy. I gave that up and got back together with him and it all started again. I am sorry, but I honestly thought that it was the right thing to do. I thought marriage was marriage until death- at all cost. I know this is odd coming from me today, but I really don’t know what Pearl is going to say in there, and I want you to know that no matter what, I am sorry this happened. I am sorry that once again you have to deal with hurt and despair. But, more importantly, I am sorry you missed a normal life.

Before your dad and I got married, your aunt Pearl and I were friends and roommates. We would lie in bed some nights and talk across the room and laugh. It was like having my very own little sister. The day before the wedding she sat down on my bed and started crying. I was so touched, because I thought she was sad that I was going. I put my arms around her and said, “You are going to officially be my little sister. How cool is that?” She sobbed at that point and pulled away only holding my hands.

Then she absolutely dumbfounded me with what she said next. “Gwenn, you don’t know him. He is different after marriage, when he has you. Please don’t do it. I can’t explain how very different he is, but it will come out of nowhere for no reason, and you will never be the same. Please Gwenn, don’t do it.”

“Maddie, I looked straight at her and pulled my hands away. I didn’t know what to say and knew that she was so sincere. She urged me not to say anything to Sonny about what she had said. I agreed, but truly thought she was just a scared girl whose life was about to change a little, so I thought very little about it. Well, I thought little about it until my wedding night. See, we went to a local hotel, because your dad was playing in a church league basketball tournament the next day, and he didn’t want to leave for our honeymoon until after the tournament. I thought that was fine, but that night- he changed, and I saw why your aunt was so very scared for me. He got mad at nothing really. I didn’t pack my bag the way he thought I should, and he pinched my arm. Then I didn’t hurry to get ready that night… I can’t really remember all that made him so angry that night, but I do know that I hurt so badly the next day.

When your dad and I got to the gym, your aunt was there with the rest of the family. She looked at me, and when my eyes met her eyes, I looked away. She knew, and I knew she knew. She later sat next to me and took my hand. We never spoke about it, but I swear it was almost as if she saw everything he did. It was like she had a window into my mind and heart, because every time I wanted to cry, she squeezed my hand or touched my arm and looked at me.

Maddie, I have watched Pearl do this with you. I’ve seen the way she reads what’s going on, and I have been ashamed so many times that someone else knows about our secret shame. But, I also know that there is something secret about her, something she has wanted so many times to share with us and help us, but at the same time I think she wants to help herself. She knows and feels too much to not have secrets too. I just need you to know, that we are not the only ones who have been hurt all of these years. I don’t know what is going to happen in there in a little while, but Maddie, I am sorry for not being who I should have been to you all these years. I hope someday you can forgive me.”

Maddie looked at her mother, and tears fell softly as she nodded her head and looked past her into the kitchen window. There standing with her back to them was Pearl. She looked to be slumped over and crying.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Fourteen

… oh deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man.

Psalms 43:1b

She entered North Hills and pulled into the driveway where she saw two police vehicles, her sister-in-law’s car, Maddie’s bug, and another unfamiliar car. She sighed, a deep sigh, and again heard that voice, Are you sure you can do this. What if they don’t believe you? What if… Oh hush… I am so tired of the what if’s. She looked into the mirror and gave herself a boost of confidence and then reached for the door, slid out of the minivan, and took her first step toward releasing the truth.

Walking in trepidation, she started for the door. She nervously strolled up the monkey grass lined walkway and felt every muscle in her body begin to tense. Calm down Pearl. It’s time to be free. Let go and be free. Don’t hold back any longer it’s been over twenty years. The voice continued and finally she inhaled deeply and then heaved an exhausted sigh and rang the bell as she took a step in the door. She heard voices from the living area as she entered the house. She walked in and took a seat on the red sofa next to Maddie. Maddie looked up only briefly and put her head on Pearl’s shoulder. Gwen looked away from the window where she had watched Pearl walk from her car and said, “Glad you could make it. Do you want to talk to us?”

Two men entered from the kitchen and looked as though they were surprised. One of these men she recognized as Detective Conners. The other she had never seen. “Hello Mam,” Conners said.

“Uh, hi.” Pearl answered “I guess you drive really fast.”

“No, not really. We were right behind you until you stopped at Searcy.”

“We? You mean you and Detective Walters? Is she here too?

“She’s here. Allow me to introduce our colleague. This is Detective Plat.”

“Nice to meet you ma’am.” The younger of the two gentlemen said.

“Thank you. Odd circumstances, but thank you.”

“Aunt Pearl, are grandma and grandpa on their way yet?”

“I think so sweetie.”

“Again, is there anything you need to talk about Pearl?” Joy asked.

“Not just yet. I really want to wait until mom and dad get here. They need to hear this too. Please know that when I tell you all what I have to say, I only want to say it once. There is too much to comprehend and after I’ve spoken, I don’t want to talk about it again.”

The room grew still again and Pearl squeezed Maddie’s hand then stood to walk to the kitchen. She entered the kitchen and walked through the room to the back door where she exited to the back yard. She stood on the patio and looked at nothing. She stared and thought and again heard that still small voice trying to dissuade her from talking to everyone. A noise from behind her quickened her back to the actuality that it was indeed time to talk. The back door open and closed softly and Pearl turned to look at who was behind her. As she turned, she heard the voice of her niece ask, “Can you really believe it’s true? I can’t believe it, and I want so much to talk, but I don’t know who else to talk to but you. Please let me talk for a minute.”

Pearl reached for Maddie’s hand and led her to the bench beside the English flower garden. “Have a seat Maddie. You can tell me anything you need to tell me. I will listen. When have I not listened to you?”

“Never. That’s why I want to talk to you. You have always let me talk about anything I needed and never judged me. That’s why I can’t believe that you had anything to do with this either.”

“Maddie, talk to me.”

“Aunt Pearl. You know how long I have hurt about my dad. You know how much he hurt my mom and me. You know all of it, and you always listened… always. You always taught me how to love him in spite of all the crap that he did. The thing is Aunt Pearl… Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I am going to say this... Aunt Pearl, I don’t feel even a little bit bad. I mean, I am sad for my mom. I am hurt for what my dad hasn’t ever realized what he has, but I am not sad that he is might... I even feel…”

“… relieved?” Pearl interrupted.

“Yes, I feel relieved. I don’t want anyone else to know and…” Maddie threw her arms around Pearl and they sobbed together; both in sorrow for the lives they hid for so long and both in relief that part of their nightmare was released.

“I know sweetheart. It’s going to be all right. I promise. We are going to get through all of this, and it’s going to be all right. It’s okay to feel the way you do. My gosh girl, you deserve to have any feelings you want. No one can stop you from feeling anymore.” She squeezed tighter, and their sobs became a bit more intense.

“Aunt Pearl, tell me it isn’t true. Tell me you didn’t do it. I just need to know that you were not the one who did it.”

“Maddie look at me. Come on, look at me now.” They held the stare of each other’s tear pooled eyes, and Pearl spoke slowly and deliberately. “I didn’t hurt your dad. I promise you. I was not responsible for this, and when your grandparents get here, you will hear all that I know. Just understand that I did not do this to your dad. Do you understand me?”

Maddie nodded slowly and still didn’t break eye contact. “I understand, but it’s all just too confusing. It’s so surreal, but in a bad way.”

“It is. You’re right, but just trust me okay sweetie.”

“Okay, I will. I have always trusted you, and you haven’t steered me wrong yet.”

They heard the door behind them open and close and a weak voice of Joy saying, “You two okay? You need something to drink? Some coffee? Tea? Anything?

“No. We’re okay thank you. Are Mom and Dad here yet?” asked Pearl

“Not yet, but they just called and were almost at their exit, so it should be any minute now.”

Pearl stood and motioned for Joy to join them. The three stood close and hugged, then Pearl said, “Well girls, I need to use the lady’s room before I tell me story. You two comin’ in?”

Joy and Maddie stood still, then Joy answered, “No, I need to say something to Maddie, and I think I need to do it now while I have the nerve.”

“Okay then. I will see you two in the house later.” She leaned over and gave both another hug and then whispered softly, “I really love you guys. I hope you know that.”

She left the two in on the patio with tears still falling from each eye. She walked into the house and heard the front door open and a “Where are they? Where are they? Are they okay?”

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Thirteen

For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me. Psalms 40:12

A car sped by laying on the horn and bringing Pearl to the realization that she was not focused on her driving. She was there, in the cubby hole underneath the built-ins. What’s the matter with you. You know better than this. Focus Pearl. You didn’t do anything. Go in and tell them all the truth. But, can you? Are you ready for all of them to know? You came down here last night ready to face him, but are you really ready to face them? Are you ready for the questions? The stares? The doubt? The… can you do it?

She put her blinker on as she approached her exit in North Little Rock. She drove down McCain Blvd. and passed the mall, Target, and was stopped at a traffic light when she looked to her right to see the sale sign in the window of Pier One; the similar store and window in her home town that enticed him to stop nearly twenty years earlier when she was preparing for her engagement party- her hope of escape.

Rick Dees in the morning, makes you rise and shine… the radio blared, and she was startled by the all too familiar voice of someone seemingly spying on her as she made her bed. “How about I take you shopping? I want to buy you something special for your engagement,” Sonny said.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to get me anything. I am sure that between the two churches and all our friends, we will be overwhelmed with kindness. Really, you don’t need to do anything,” she urged.

“Oh Pearl. Stop being like that,” her mom piped in as she put linens in the closet outside of Pearl’s room.

“Like what mom?”

“Like you. The martyr. Just let your brother do something nice for you.”

“Okay, sure. When do you want to go?” Pearl looked straight at Sonny with a disgusted look and a fake smile conceding to go shopping with her big brother.

“How about in just a while? You are not busy, and I have a free afternoon.”

“Uh… okay. Sure. Let me get ready.”

They drove to town and listened to the radio as she sat quietly waiting for the boom to drop. They pulled up to Pier One and he leaned over and touched her face as she reached quickly reached for the door handle. “Wait a second sis. I want to talk to you before we go in. You know, it’s time for the big brother talk before you take the plunge.” He slid his hand down over hers and pulled the door tight again. She sat, tense, and shaking. This was too familiar, too awkward, too hurtful.

“No Sonny. That’s okay. We have been through the pre-marital counseling classes at the church. I think I have had all of the advice I can take for a while. I really need time to see how it all works before I take in any more,” she said, anxiously and apprehensively hopeful that maybe he would let her be.

“Funny!” he insisted as he grabbed her leg. “Sit here and listen to me now.” His grip tightened and so did her fists, her heart, and the teeth clinched on her bottom lip. “You are not supposed to marry him. He is too young. You are too young. You are both too stupid. And, you are mine. You are spoiled and worthless to anyone else- and if you marry him, you will both be miserable, because he will find out that you were not his and what a disgusting little girl you were.”

Tears streamed uncontrollably down her face and her breath grew deeper and heavier, “Sonny, let go of me now. Let go of me and never touch me again- Ever!”

He looked at her as if he were trying to process what she was truly saying; as if her words were completely and totally incomprehensible. He took his hand from the door and put the car into reverse. He drove hastily, dangerously until they reached home. They were quiet, but she knew he was angry. She breathed deeply, but his breath was heard above hers. His faced was pinched and eyes were seedy. He jerked the car to a stop as they pulled to the parkway of the house before grabbing her tightly by the arm and saying, “The same rules hold true. You tell, I hurt you and your little brother, and we both know you don’t want that.”

She looked him in the eye and took a deep breath again then slowly said, “I’m not telling anyone. Why would I tell now?”

They walked in the house, and Pearl went straight to her room. “What did you get her Sonny?” their mom asked.

“Oh, she didn’t see anything she wanted and was feeling kind of sick at her stomach, so we came home,” Sonny replied.

“Well, this is a pretty exciting day. She is probably a little anxious.”

“Yeah- anxious,” Sonny said.

Pearl heard their conversation and shut her bedroom door to drown out the bull spewing from Sonny’s mouth in the other room. I want so much to tell her. I want to tell everyone- and at the same time, I can’t. I am so ashamed and afraid. If Donald finds out, he will leave. He won’t want to be with me when he finds out what I really am. Oh God, please. I can’t go through with all of this. My whole life has been a secret, and I don’t even know who I really am except that gross little girl. Please God tell me what to do.

She prepared herself for her party and entered the car with her mom. “You all right Pearl?” her mom asked. “You look kind of pale.”

“I don’t know. I think I will be fine after tonight. All of this stuff, the people I don’t know- Mom, did you ever have that gut feeling that you were not good enough for Dad? What if Donald feels like he is above me someday and wants out? I am just so scared he will get to know the real me and run as fast and as far as he possibly can.”

“Pearl listen; everyone feels that way before they get married. It’s perfectly natural. You know you are good enough for him. You are great. You’re beautiful, you’re talented, you’re a hard worker and compassionate. If anything, he’s not good enough for you.”

“Hmmm, I guess it is normal then huh. I am just nervous.” Pearl spoke the words, but she didn’t believe any of them. She shook it off as if she knew that the conversation could lead to more serious matters, matters she knew she was not ready to confront. They pulled up in front of the house where the host of the party waited with open arms, Donald beside her also standing with open arms, and next to him stood his parents- all oblivious- all waiting to welcome Pearl to a new life and a new love.

They all hugged and Donald took her hand as they entered the house to a warm greeting from their friends and extended families. They mingled and drank their iced tea and coffee, but Pearl took it all in as if she were on that train, riding around the living room on someone else’s ticket- hoping it would go on and on and on and on

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Twelve

For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquities, and my bones are consumed. Psalms 31:10

As he pulled up to the house, Sonny panicked and tried to get his story straight. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a while and when she finally got out, she said she was sick. We were having so much fun, I guess she ate too much junk food. Whatever the excuse, it had to come quickly, as Pearl had still not awakened, and the front door of the house opened. He walked around to the passenger’s side of the car and opened the car door, then stooped down to lift her out. She opened her eyes briefly and said, “I promise I won’t tell if you just stop. Please stop,” then laid her head back into his chest with closed eyes and shallow breaths.

Their mother stood in the jam of the open doorway with an astonished look on her face. “Sonny, what on earth is going on?”

“I don’t know mom. One minute she was fine, and the next thing I know, she said she didn’t feel well. I took her to the car, and she fell asleep before I could even get her in. Feel her head mom. She feels really hot.”

Their mother felt the head of her little daughter and knew she needed a tepid bath. As she prepared it, she asked Sonny a million questions. Sounding like the perfect caretaker, he answered each of those questions with confidence. When the bath was ready, she took her child in and set her in the tub. Pearl woke with a start, “No Sonny, please.” Her eyes fixed suddenly on the reality of her mother holding her in the water.

“Pearl, are you all right. Pearl. It’s mommy. Pearl, talk to me.”

“I don’t feel like talking mommy. I just want to go to bed. I want to lie down. Please let me go to sleep.”

“Hey now. Hey sweetie. Wait a minute. Are you hurting anywhere?”

“No. I just don’t feel good. I feel like I have bruises all over me and like someone is sticking me with needles.”

“Okay honey. You are almost finished. I think you have a sudden case of the flu from your aches. Come on now let’s get some warm jammies on and get you into bed.”

She crawled into her bed, shivering and shaking, as her mother pulled up the covers. “Well, you must have had quite a day. Did you eat too much candy and just get plain tired?”

“I guess so mom.” She said as she turned her body away from her mom and wiped a tear from her face.

“Good night Pearl. You sleep tight okay.”

“Night mom. Love you.” She answered weekly as she drifted into sleep.



~~~

Over the next few days, Pearl slept for hours at a time. She missed school and talked to no one. In her short periods of wakefulness, Pearl curled up underneath her built-ins and cried softly and weakly. The third day of her “sickness,” and one of the moments where she was curled up under the dressers, Pearl heard the door creek open. It was a slow creek as if the person pushing it feared what lie inside the room. Pearl pondered whether to pretend she was a sleep or to rise up and peek to see who was entering her room. She opted to appear asleep in fear that it might be her mom, or worse yet, Sonny.

A few moments later, Pearl’s blanket was tugged gently; she felt a hand on her shoulder and a small body snuggled next to her. It was not long until she heard shallow breaths from the intruder, and she opened her eyes to find exactly what she thought she would find. Teddy, curled up against her fast asleep with tears drying on his face. She sighed to herself and patted his face then fell asleep again.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Eleven

“Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength.”


Psalms 31:4



The traffic increased the closer she drew to Little Rock. The travelers pushed through the lines of cars trying to make their way- whatever that way might be on this Saturday: shoppers, leisure drivers, they were s o different than the travelers on the same highway the previous night. Where yesterday people honked and tried their best to drive 75 and 80 miles an hour in steady lines, today there was a steady flow of easy diving. It seemed that the voyagers had nothing better to do than to take their time and enjoy the ride.

“Enjoy the ride little Pearl. Mom didn’t know what she was doing when she said I ‘had’ to spend time with each of you.” He snarled as he spoke, and Pearl sat quietly on the opposite side of the car. His words seems nearly trapped in his tongue as if even they knew the depths of evil Sonny was capable of displaying. “So, you want an ice cream? Or a new dress? Or how about a trip to the mall, and you can see the girl I am going take to the prom.”

“I thought you were taking Jeanie.” Pearl offered.

“Oh, you would like that wouldn’t you. You little snitch. If you wouldn’t have opened your stupid lying mouth, she would be my date.” He slid his hand across the front seat and then slowly up Pearl’s little leg. “But, since I have the best little sister on the planet, and since she wanted to be friends with my girlfriend, my girlfriend doesn’t want to go out with me any more.” He stopped moving his hand right at the top of her thigh and then as if he had a sudden spasm, he slapped the top of Pearl’s tiny thigh with such force and noise that she immediately jumped and fought tears.

He removed his hand and laughed. “What’s the matter sweet little innocent brat? Did that hurt? Huh, did it hurt the little princess? Answer me you little…”

“Yes, it hurt. It always hurts when you touch me. Take me home please Sonny. I didn’t talk to Jeanie. I never talk about anything you do.”

“You liar! I know you talk. I know you make stuff up all of the time and talk and talk and talk some more hoping someone will listen to you and get me into trouble. Well, let me tell you something little perfect girl…”

“Sonny, you’re scaring me. You are driving really fast, and I hear the bumps from the road. I promise I will not say anything, just watch…”

He pulled into an ally way and to a sudden stop so quickly that Pearl’s little body was jerked forward then back again. “I am scaring the little baby. How very sad that is. I don’t mean to scare you, I love you. You know I love you right? RIGHT! YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT!”

Sobbing, Pearl could only nod her head. She knew what was next and she knew too that if she wanted to go home, she would keep quiet and submit to his evil. She drifted into soft sobs as her caressed her tears soaked face then ran his hand down her body stroking it, petting it, then leaving kisses everywhere his hands lead. He was oblivious to the sound car passing one the street past the ally. And she was scared: scared to move, scared to breath, scared to speak, scared to scream.

As Pearl tried not to think about how disgusting she felt, how unreal this was; she suddenly heard a loud crashing noise. Sonny stopped touching her and looked up, then he looked out the window to see a car wreck behind him on the street. He looked straight into Pearl’s eyes and said, “I guess we will have to finish later sweetheart. You okay.”

Pearl didn’t move. But she silently thanked God for the wreck and said a short prayer for those involved in the wreck. Then without warning, she let her tears fall freely while they drove to the mall. At the mall, Sonny took Pearl into the dress store and bought her a Mexican dress then he took her to the ice cream stand and bought her an old fashioned ice cream bar – chocolate-dipped in chocolate- and rolled in peanuts. They walked though the mall, and he held on to her hand as if he were the most adoring older brother. They stopped in the toy shop where he introduced Pearl to the young lady behind the counter.

“Pearl, this is Tiffany. Tiffany- Pearl. Pearl and I were just on a brother sister outing. Didn’t we have the best time today Pearl?” He reached down and picked her up to set her on the counter. She was not five and this was embarrassing. An eight year old girl does not sit on the counter at the toy store, but again, she submitted to his will for no other reason except that she was terrified of him.

“Well, it certainly is nice to meet you Pearl. I have something Sonny had me hold for this special day. Would you like to see it?” Tiffany asked.

Pearl shrugged and said, “I think so.”

Tiffany chuckled and left for a minute. When she walked away, Sonny grabbed Pearl by the arm and looked into her eyes, “I think you had better straighten up and act like this is the best day of you life or we will be later getting home, and I will tell mom that you threw a fit in the mall.”

Pearl nodded and gasped as she fought yet another onset of tears.

Moments later, Tiffany emerged from a curtain in the back of the store carrying a round baby blue wooden box. The box was tied with a light pink ribbon in a straight satin bow. “Look what I found Pearl.” The oblivious Tiffany piped. “I know a little girl who is going to give her best big brother the biggest hug and kiss in the world.” Her words left an ill feeling in the pit of Pearl’s stomach, but she forced a smile and tried her best to act excited.

Sonny took the box and presented it to Pearl. “I have been saving for this one. I know you are going to love it.” He untied the ribbon and lifted the lid to expose a small doll with dark eyes, dark hair, and a blue outfit. Its little top had baby blue, pink, and yellow flowers and an eyelet collar. Pearl thought it was funny how the little doll seemed so lifeless, so empty; a little doll in a little box. She was lying on straw-like tulle. Her eyes were wide open, and there was a permanent tear on the right upper cheek of her face.

Pearl picked up the doll and felt her hair. It was so soft and silky and felt to her as if she had slipped her hand in a pool of water; sleek, soft, smooth. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed that Sonny and Tiffany were flirting with one another and making prom plans until she heard a “Heeee Haw!” and looked up to see a red faced Tiffany. Sonny shot a quick glare at Pearl and cocked his head as if to warn her not to do anything or even acknowledge the odd outburst. Pearl quickly looked away and buried her head into the doll.

Sonny tried suddenly to draw attention away from the awkward moment by grabbing the doll and saying, “Pearl, did you notice the soft hair on this little girl?” Pearl nodded. “Well, it’s so soft, because it’s real human hair. Little girls with lots of hair in Mexico grow their hair out and then their mom’s and dad’s take them to the doll maker and he cuts off their hair for his dolls. Those poor little girls have to give their hair up so you can have a pretty doll. Isn’t that neat?”

Pearl sat in astonishment. She had never heard of a little girl getting her hair cut just for the sake of making a doll’s hair. She put her head down and was left speechless. When she raised her head, Sonny looked at her as if he had some sudden stroke of kindness and asked if she were okay. She muttered, “Sonny, I feel sick.” He looked at her, and her face seemed to turn from pink to bright red within seconds. He picked her up and felt that she was hot, then excused them from the store and said, “Sorry Tiffany, we had better get going.” He walked swiftly through the mall and then to the car. He set her in the car and noticed her eyes slowly close behind the bloodshot, red watery eyes.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Ten

“Be merciful to me oh Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.”

Psalms 31:9

She opened the fuel door and unfastened the gas cap. The gas flowed and lights blinked and flashed before her eyes, but she stared blankly, oblivious to the climbing numbers as her tank filled rapidly. Her mind still somewhere else, she leaned on the side of the car and wiped a new tear from her cheek. The mind does a funny thing to people in mourning. Mourning, what on earth do I have to grieve? He never cared about me. He never cared about anyone but himself. And he’s not even dead. Why am I thinking these things? Still, what a pity, in all of his life he has never known what is was to live.

The pump clicked on and on as the number flickered before her eyes putting her into a trance. The previous tears still kept her face moist as her eyes welled once again at the familiarity of the pulsations of the pump. The idea of her brother lying in a hospital and possibly fighting for his life flashed as quickly in her mind as the numbers on the pump, and as swiftly as they passed, they abruptly stopped at a day Pearl wished she could forget and had spent most of her childhood trying to forget. Now, after so many years of trying to put it aside, it reared its head and taunted her with its ferocious scenes of her younger brother being hurt, crying for help and Pearl standing there watching, being warned not to interfere.

Sonny often abused the power of the oldest sibling on to the youngest two children, and with the cadence of the gas pump, she heard the thuds of her little brother’s backside being kicked repeatedly. She remembered the day he told them to do all of his chores, their chores, chores that none of the kids ever did, and Teddy (Pearl’s younger brother) defied the orders.

Teddy and Pearl were only a year and a half apart and were the closest of all of the children. Pearl felt it her responsibility most often to protect Teddy from the world, especially Sonny. That day was no different in Pearl’s eyes, except for the fact that Sonny seemed unusually intent on making Teddy bend to his will.

“I told you to shut your mouth. When I tell you to take out the trash, you take out the trash. When I tell you to shovel the dog crap out of the pen, then you do that. If I tell you to lean over and kiss my butt; you have to do that too. I am the oldest, and when mom is not home, I’m in charge. So get up, and do what I say now. I said NOW!”

As he pulled Teddy to his feet he kicked him back to the ground then held him by the neck and kicked him out of the door, out of the back yard and into the alley where he repeatedly kicked him and yelled at him. Teddy was only eight. He was not a very large child and was easily dominated by Sonny. I begged him to stop, but he yelled back at me to shut my stupid mouth or he would stop at all. There were four of us home that day. Four siblings. Four strangers. My next older brother, Will, stood next to me. He put his hands over his face then took Pearl’s hand. She pulled away and told him to call their mom. He shook his head and went back in to the house.

After about an hour of repeated kicking, Sonny must have grown tired. He pushed Teddy back into the yard and forced him into the house. Pearl had already finished all of the chores and had called her mother and told her to come home. She was too late of course, and the younger kids were warned not to say a word or it would happen all over again. Teddy slept in Pearl’s room that night on the floor. They made a fort in the corner of the built-ins in her room. Where they sat for a few hours and she held him as they cried and told each other how much they hated Sonny.

The next few days passed slowly and quietly. Pearl and Teddy stayed to themselves in Pearl’s room. Will stayed in his room. Their mom went about her daily mom routine somewhat oblivious to the previous day’s events. That evening at supper, their mom asked why they had all been so quiet. Sonny shot his evil glares at each of the kids, and they said nothing. She saw the look. She recognized that look, and she knew there was something they were keeping from her.

After supper, she went to Pearl’s room. The door was slightly open, so she stood listening to her two youngest children as they spoke in low voices. What she heard was only part of what had happened. She promptly called all of the kids to the living room and made Sonny confess to his ill behavior. As he confessed, he cried and apologized. He was grounded. He had to apologize to each of the kids. Then to top off his punishment, he had to spend “quality time” with each of them. It was quality time too. He got to take each of the younger siblings off by themselves and …The sudden noise of the pump clicking off, and the gas sputtering showing it was more than full brought her back to reality. She sat in her car, fastened her seatbelt and breathed deeply trying again to gain control of the tumultuous storm of emotion inside of her then aimed her vehicle again toward Little Rock.

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Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Nine

“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.”

Psalms 27:3

Moments later, Pearl pulled out of her garage and pointed her car toward Little Rock, though her heart and mind were thousands of miles and a lifetime away in Redlands with the little girl she had lost. She wiped the tears from her eyes and drove with mechanical reactions. She phoned her boss and told him there had been a family emergency and she would need a few days of personal time. She explained enough to ensure him she was needed and that a she would keep him updated if any developments. He kindly told her to take what time she needed and to let him know if there was anything he might do. She thanked him and disconnected the call.

She dialed again this time calling her colleague. “Hello.”

Pearl inhaled deeply and spoke quickly as not to allow the reality of what she was saying soak in and then said, “Hi Stan. This is Pearl. I just wanted you to know that I won’t be in for a few days. There’s been an accident, and well my brother is in critical condition. Anyway, I emailed you a copy of my lesson plans. Could you by any chance print those off, and give them to my sub?”

“Oh man Pearl. I am sorry. Yea, anything I can do to help. Are the kids okay? Are you okay?”

“Well, the kids don’t know yet. I wanted to wait until tomorrow. I called Shawn and asked him to keep them an extra day. I am on my way to Little Rock now to see if I can so anything to help. But, no, I am not okay. This is all completely out of my reality.”

“Well you know we would do anything for you and the kids. I will take care of your sub. Just let me know if there is anything else I can do.”

“Stan.”

“Yes Pearl.”

“There is something you can do. Try not to say anything at school to anyone. Just let them know there was a family emergency if they ask. But, there is bound to be some talk among the students, since the police were at my house today, and- well you know how they like to make up their own version of the story. Can you and Sela just try to keep a damper on the gossip?”

“Yea. We can do whatever. Just hang in there. Have you called Sela yet?”

“No. I am getting ready to call her. I just wanted to call you first to get my sub information in line. I should get going though. Thank you for helping.”

“Really, hon, it’s no problem. Just let us know what’s going on when you can, okay.”

“I will. Bye.”

The asphalt rolled beneath the tires as Pearl dialed again this time calling another colleague and friend. “Hey Sela, it’s Pearl. Do you have a minute?”

“Uh… just: It’s a madhouse here.”

Pearl took another breath, but this time spoke slowly. “Sela, I am on my way to out of town. I got news earlier that my brother has been in a terrible, and I need to be there for a few days. I have called Stan and asked him to take care of my sub, but would you care to check in on my students every once in a while and maybe ask the sub if she needs anything? I don’t know how long I will be. I can’t even begin to guess.”

“Oh my gosh Pearl. Yes. You know you can count on us. The kids are okay? Do you need me to come get the kids?”

“No, but thanks. They were at Shawn’s this weekend, so he is just going to keep them a little longer. I need to get, but thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, and please call again if you need me. Call any time okay.”

“Okay thank you. Bye.”

The two hung up, both feeling the sting of their numbing conversation. The drive seemed longer the farther she traveled, and as time passed, she dialed once more. As the phone rang, Pearl heaved and labored her breath as if she experienced difficulty breathing. She gasped and suddenly pulled the car to the shoulder, and tears fell once again as she sobbed frenziedly into her cupped hands.

The party on the other end answered and Pearl asked, “Maddi? Is that you?”

“Yes, Aunt Pearl. It’s me. Are you on your way?”

“Yes, I’m trying to hurry. How is your mom holding up?”

“She’s not doing well at all. She keeps saying you were here, and you know what happened. What does she mean? Were you here? Do you know?”

“Maddi. I don’t know what happened. I was just as surprised as you. I am hurrying. Hang in there okay.”

“I am Aunt Pearl. Be careful. I need you.”

Pearl ended the conversation and pulled back onto the highway. As she approached her interchange, she noticed the illuminated warning light informing her that she needed fuel.

“Of course: Only when I am in a hurry do I need to stop for gas,” she said to herself then thought, mom always said it was just as easy to keep the gas tank on 7/8 of a tank as it is to let it get to 1/8 of a tank. Pearl grinned at that thought and pulled into the station at Bald Knob.

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Eight

“Oh God, do not keep silent; be not quiet, oh God, be not still.”

Psalms 83:1

“I said right now Pearl! Young Lady you had better stop fussing, and get over there and sit on your brother’s lap for this picture.”

“I don’t want to. Please let me sit here. I promise I will smile.”

Her brother grabbed at her waste as she fought to get away and sit in the chair next to him, their mother desperately trying to take a photo of her children in the new Easter clothes. Pearl squirmed and tried again to pull from his grasp and off of his lap as Sonny held her down firmly on his lap while he grinned his toothy evil grin. He leaned close to her and whispered, his face behind her head and his breath hot on her neck, “Oh sweet little Pearly. Just sit still and be good. Don’t fuss or I will have to tell mommy dear what you have been doing at night when your nightgown is pulled up, and you hide under the covers.” Pearl screeched and again wriggled in terror, but he held her tighter and gasped, “What is wrong with her mother?”

“Okay Pearl, I have had quite enough of this. You sit there so we can get this picture. If you move once more, you will get a spanking and then you will kiss and make up with your brother for acting so ugly to him.”

Pearl looked her straight in the eyes and sat still, on her brother’s lap faking a smile while holding back tears frantically. Flash, “Say, Cheese!” flash again, and the pictures were taken. Pearl started to get up, but Sonny held her back, turned her around and gave her a wet sloppy kiss on the mouth, then reached toward her non-budding breasts and pinched. “Maybe you should be a little nicer to your big brother Pearly.” The rest of the family laughed and carried on with the day’s Easter festivities, not really seeing what he had done exactly or the trauma that she had ensued, and Pearl ran quickly to her bedroom.

Once inside her room, she made her way to the corner of the built in dresser and crawled underneath it to get away from all of the laughter, the noise, and the shame that she felt. She hung her head and sobbed until her mother came in to tell her that her behavior was inexcusable and absolutely ridiculous and that she needed to take her bath early and get ready for bed, because she was going to bed early for acting like such a baby.

There was no fuss from Pearl. She did just as her mother ordered and then brushed her teeth and went to bed without supper. She wasn’t hungry or mad or full of any emotion what-so-ever. She simply crawled into her bed, cried, and dreamed of dying or flying or being something else- something different. She envisioned becoming something truly wonderful that no one could touch, because if she were touched she would break. She saw herself flying far away and knew that if she could go away everyone would love her, because she was beautiful and no one would touch her and no one would hurt her.

Hours later, still dreaming of that flight, Pearl heard her favorite sounds. She exited the bed and sneaked down the hallway carefully as not to make a disturbance and be caught out of her room. She made it past her parents’ room and then crept ever so gently past her young brothers’ room. Rounding the corner, she was delighted that her secret happiness was right in front of her eyes. The conductor waived his friendly wave motioning for her to climb aboard. She smiled and jumped at the chance to ride the train. She laughed and giggled and felt the knots in her stomach disappear as the music played the tune, “Send in the Clowns” and again Pearl was safe.

On their last lap around the track, Pearl began to cry. This had never happened on the train before, and she was shocked, but the tears rolled on as the train came to a halt. She sadly got off the train and turned to waive to the conductor and all of the happy characters, but when she turned, the train and all who accompanied it were gone. Somehow, she knew that was the last time she would be carried by that train. She felt overwhelmed by the grief inside of her, as she dragged herself back to her bed. She ascended into the bed and wept for what she knew was gone, what she knew she had lost forever, and mostly for what was stolen from her. She reflected again to the day’s events and knew she was stuck. She felt a heavy sensation overpower her and she gave into a sleep of heaving, short gasping breaths and a tear drenched pillow with her last thoughts being, “Please God, don’t let me wake up tomorrow. Please God.”

Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Seven

“Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me”

Psalms 25:2b

Before dialing her parents, Pearl dialed a local number; that of her niece Maddi. She dialed Maddi’s cell phone; three rings, and the voice mail. Pearl left a message and begged Maddi to return her call as soon as possible.

She quickly dialed her mother: “Mom?”

“Oh, hello Peal. Are you coming over? Have you heard the news yet? Why aren’t you here? Your father said that you said there were detectives at your house. Did they tell you what happened?”

“Yes, mom they told me about Sonny. I am sorry I didn’t call back sooner or come by yet. I will come just as soon as I can get away. Have you seen Jen yet? Is she at the house or is she at the hospital? Mom where is Maddi? Are you sure they want to be at your house? I think they might rather stay in Little Rock where it’s closer to Sonny. I don’t know what to do. I am going to call Jen, and I will call you later.”

She hung up and dialed Jen’s number. The phone rang twice and then was answered by Maddi. “Maddi! Thank goodness it’s you. Honey what’s going on?”

“Oh, Aunt Pearl, it’s awful. I mean it’s awful. There are all of these police here taking pictures and asking mom questions, and then they asked me questions about you. All Mom can say is ‘Ask Pearl, ask Pearl.’ Why is she saying that? Why should they ask you?”

“Wait now, Maddi, calm down… I know it’s weird right now and there is a lot of commotion, but tell me what you want me to do. Do you want Grandma to come and get you and your mom? Do you want me to come and get you two and bring you back here to my house or your apartment? There are detectives here too asking questions. They said they suspect foul play, but I am really not quite sure yet why it involves me. Let me know what you want me to do. Have you called grandma yet to let her know that you are with your mom? Sweetie we’ll figure this out. Stay calm and try to calm your mom.”

“But, I don’t understand why all she is saying is to ask you.”

“Well, I will explain that later. After the shock of all of this has worn a little and after the detectives have the answers they want, I will tell you everything they said and why your mom is a little hysterical right now. Just hold her sweetie. Remember this is a pretty shocking thing for all of us, but she has not really lived without your dad for twenty-seven years, and now there is that very real fear in her mind and heart. She doesn’t know what to do or think or feel right now. Hold her sweetie, be there and let me know what you want me to do. Call grandma.”

“Okay, Aunt Pearl. I love you, and thank you. I want you here as soon as you can get here. I will call Grandma. I want her here too and Grandpa and everyone. No, don’t bring the younger kids. All of the police are scary, and they don’t need to see this. I just want you guys here soon. I am so scared and mommy is really freaking me out.”

“All right Maddi. I will be there as soon as I can. Call Grandma and tell her you want her there. I think she is half expecting you to come to her house, but you just tell her honey. She and Grandpa will be there soon.”

“Bye, aunt Pearl. I love you.”

“I know dear, I love you too. I will there soon.”

As she hung up the phone, she gasped for breath, and then sat on the side of the bed and sobbed. A million thoughts ran through her head, and she tried to pull herself together in order to return to the living room and her detective guests, but the more she tried to get it together, the stronger her flow of tears ran. Her head began spinning and suddenly she felt as if she were going to be sick. Pearl made her way to the master bathroom and grabbed a washcloth. She ran cool water over the rag, and then gently twisted the rag releasing the excess water. She dabbed her face to try to calm down and relieve her nausea. After a few minutes, she felt less queasy, freshened her make-up a bit, folded the cloth and lay it to the side of the sink, then returned to the living room where she found both detectives standing and talking.

They didn’t notice her enter the room and were immersed in conversation about their own lives. She quietly asked if there was anything else she could get for them. They both sat at that point, and Conner asked if he could resume questioning. Pearl looked puzzled and said, “I understand that you have some questions right now. But, if I am not being charged with anything, and there is no evidence as to my suspicion of guilt here, would it be all right if you two come back another day? I just got off of the phone with my niece and mother. My niece is at her parents’ home in Little Rock and wishes for me to be with her. I believe she needs me right now more than the two of you need me. Whatever it is that you need to ask me will not change by tomorrow. If you wish to resume your interrogation, please come back tomorrow afternoon.”

Walters stood, took Conner by the arm, and thanked Pearl for her hospitality. Pearl showed them to the door and told them to return the next day after lunch. The detectives walked down the curved hosta-lily edged walkway shaking their heads and asking each other questions for which neither of them had any answers.

Pearl closed the door slowly and then turned around as if she were not quite sure of her whereabouts. She made her way back to the small cozy kitchen and put the cups in the dishwasher. She wiped off the table and put the muffins away then returned the basket to the selves above the pantry. She again took the phone in hand and this time dialed her ex-husband.

“Donald, this is Pearl.”

“Yeah, Pearl. You want to talk to one of the kids?”

“No. I need to talk to you for a minute. Is this a good time?”

“I guess it’s as good as any. The kids are out in the pool, so it’s fine.”

“Donald look, there has been an accident.”

“Oh? Is everything all right?”

“No, everything is far from all right. Sonny was seriously injured last night, and the detectives believe there is some question about how this accident happened. I am on my way to Little Rock right now, and two detectives will be stopping by my house tomorrow after lunch to question me.”

“Question you? What’s going on Pearl?”

“Donald, you know me better than that. They just have to check all of their leads, and since I went to Little Rock last night, I guess that makes me a suspect. It’s odd really; a suspect in his tragedy. Anyway, I need you to keep the kids until the police have gone. Is that a problem? I will tell them about Sonny when they get home, but I don’t want the police asking questions in front of the kids.”

“Gosh pearl. You know it’s fine. We will keep them as long as you need us to keep them. I am really sorry about your brother. Let us know if there is anything else you need from us okay.”

“Thank you. I will call you tomorrow as soon as my company leaves. Bye.”

“Bye and hey, don’t worry about the kids. They are fine.”

She hung up the and hurriedly made her way to the back door where she reached for her keys, her purse, and slipped on her shoes. She turned and peered around the kitchen door to make sure the front door was locked. She saw the knob turned to the right and the dead bolt fastened, so she proceeded to open the back door, step through gingerly, turn to fasten the dead bolt and then walked down the steps, into the garage, and then into her vehicle. She sat in her mini-van with the keys in the ignition and pushed the garage door opener. She sat; still, quiet, motionless. Memories flooded her mind and left her paralyzed to her existence.