Successions of Somethings ~ Chapter Eight

“Oh God, do not keep silent; be not quiet, oh God, be not still.”

Psalms 83:1

“I said right now Pearl! Young Lady you had better stop fussing, and get over there and sit on your brother’s lap for this picture.”

“I don’t want to. Please let me sit here. I promise I will smile.”

Her brother grabbed at her waste as she fought to get away and sit in the chair next to him, their mother desperately trying to take a photo of her children in the new Easter clothes. Pearl squirmed and tried again to pull from his grasp and off of his lap as Sonny held her down firmly on his lap while he grinned his toothy evil grin. He leaned close to her and whispered, his face behind her head and his breath hot on her neck, “Oh sweet little Pearly. Just sit still and be good. Don’t fuss or I will have to tell mommy dear what you have been doing at night when your nightgown is pulled up, and you hide under the covers.” Pearl screeched and again wriggled in terror, but he held her tighter and gasped, “What is wrong with her mother?”

“Okay Pearl, I have had quite enough of this. You sit there so we can get this picture. If you move once more, you will get a spanking and then you will kiss and make up with your brother for acting so ugly to him.”

Pearl looked her straight in the eyes and sat still, on her brother’s lap faking a smile while holding back tears frantically. Flash, “Say, Cheese!” flash again, and the pictures were taken. Pearl started to get up, but Sonny held her back, turned her around and gave her a wet sloppy kiss on the mouth, then reached toward her non-budding breasts and pinched. “Maybe you should be a little nicer to your big brother Pearly.” The rest of the family laughed and carried on with the day’s Easter festivities, not really seeing what he had done exactly or the trauma that she had ensued, and Pearl ran quickly to her bedroom.

Once inside her room, she made her way to the corner of the built in dresser and crawled underneath it to get away from all of the laughter, the noise, and the shame that she felt. She hung her head and sobbed until her mother came in to tell her that her behavior was inexcusable and absolutely ridiculous and that she needed to take her bath early and get ready for bed, because she was going to bed early for acting like such a baby.

There was no fuss from Pearl. She did just as her mother ordered and then brushed her teeth and went to bed without supper. She wasn’t hungry or mad or full of any emotion what-so-ever. She simply crawled into her bed, cried, and dreamed of dying or flying or being something else- something different. She envisioned becoming something truly wonderful that no one could touch, because if she were touched she would break. She saw herself flying far away and knew that if she could go away everyone would love her, because she was beautiful and no one would touch her and no one would hurt her.

Hours later, still dreaming of that flight, Pearl heard her favorite sounds. She exited the bed and sneaked down the hallway carefully as not to make a disturbance and be caught out of her room. She made it past her parents’ room and then crept ever so gently past her young brothers’ room. Rounding the corner, she was delighted that her secret happiness was right in front of her eyes. The conductor waived his friendly wave motioning for her to climb aboard. She smiled and jumped at the chance to ride the train. She laughed and giggled and felt the knots in her stomach disappear as the music played the tune, “Send in the Clowns” and again Pearl was safe.

On their last lap around the track, Pearl began to cry. This had never happened on the train before, and she was shocked, but the tears rolled on as the train came to a halt. She sadly got off the train and turned to waive to the conductor and all of the happy characters, but when she turned, the train and all who accompanied it were gone. Somehow, she knew that was the last time she would be carried by that train. She felt overwhelmed by the grief inside of her, as she dragged herself back to her bed. She ascended into the bed and wept for what she knew was gone, what she knew she had lost forever, and mostly for what was stolen from her. She reflected again to the day’s events and knew she was stuck. She felt a heavy sensation overpower her and she gave into a sleep of heaving, short gasping breaths and a tear drenched pillow with her last thoughts being, “Please God, don’t let me wake up tomorrow. Please God.”